The concept of an alter ego isn’t really foreign to any of us. I was talking to someone today about alter egos, and she was telling me how as an introvert, she often has to put a face on at work that she’s excited to see people. But in reality she really could care less about most of her daily interactions. I mean we’re all taught that there’s a time and a place for everything, right? We know there is a way to act in certain places, a way to act under certain circumstances, who to express certain parts of our personality too, and who to suppress other parts from. But what if you took that lesson a step further? What if you focused less on the societal norms of who you’re supposed to be, and find the fearless woman (or man) that you’ve always wanted to be.
Let’s talk inspiration
I feel like I need to take a step back and talk about what inspired this whole article. I recently went to a birthday party at a pretty cool bar/club in Downtown San Diego. I remember walking in the room feeling like a stranger amongst friends. I used to be so FUN and alive. I could walk into any social setting and just live for that moment. But there it was, a Saturday night, and I was standing in the corner looking awkward and feeling like I should just kick off my heels and roll back into my mommy uniform (yoga pants and tennis shoes). It wasn’t even an “I’ve just outgrown this crowd” type feeling. It was really a “where did Courtney go?” type feeling, and to be honest with you, its been scaring the crap out of me ever since.
Fast-forward to Sunday. I’m still feeling some kind of way about this weekend’s epic fail. I started scrolling through my Facebook feed, and came a cross a video of a beautiful black woman with a glorious mane the size of my 3 year old child, just exuding freedom and life all over my iphone screen. It came from Tomiko Fraser Hines, and was actually a behind the scenes video from her recent photo shoot. Okay, she’s a model and she’s glorious in general… but there was something about this video. Upon reading the post, I found out that Tomiko had created an alter ego and she was named Satine. But all I knew was this woman on my screen was GIVING ME LIIIIIIFFFFFEEEEE!!! I needed to know her, and where she got her power from! Did I mention the clip was 15 seconds long? Don’t take my word for it, here’s exactly what I saw.
PLEASE READ THIS POST. Especially my Sisters. <3What you're seeing is a "behind-the-scenes" video clip of the soon-to-be-released international ad campaign I shot last week for @lrchealthyhaircare. I've shared a couple of pic of my alter ego for that day, Satine. It was an AMAZING shoot and I can't wait for you to see the entirety of it. I was hesitant to post this clip for a couple of reasons that I'd like to share. First and foremost, the clip (shot just for my personal documentation) was taken in between shots and I wasn't being mindful of what was being seen. Hence the glimpse of a nipple or two. I don't have a problem with that. The main reason why I was hesitant to share this clip is because the extra skin on my tummy, that is left over from carrying my two sweet boys, can clearly be seen. Upon initial viewing of this clip, I was an adamant "No!" when my friend/the client suggested that we post it. He more than suggested, if I'm honest. He pretty much told me to stop tripping because at 46 and post carrying twins, I looked amazing. But I still wasn't convinced. As most of you know, I recently lost 25 pounds in 4 months due to working my ass off and eating better. I am VERY proud of the results. But the nudity part of the shoot was a last minute request and I wasn't quite ready to bare it all just yet. But because I trusted my friend/the client, I said yes. I said yes because I knew that any "flaws" would be retouched and the end product would be wonderful. I then showed the clip to my husband, who was a "no" as well. But we both viewed it several times and were leaning in the direction of yes. Then I shared it with several of my Goddess sisters who always keep it real. Their feedback ranged from, "I probably wouldn't post it either." to "Girl, do you know what an inspiration seeing you real, unretouched and LOOKING LIKE THAT would be to other women!?!?" And that's when I knew I HAD to post it. Because as you all know, I LIVE AND BREATH WOMEN'S EMPOWERMENT. And if showing my tummy roll AND my "Satine-ness" will inspire another woman, that's something I can get behind. I shared all of that to let you, my sisters, know that even empowered women have fears and concerns. We're learning lessons too. We also need the support of our sisters when we lose sight of our truth. So I hope you not only enjoy this short clip (it's taken me longer to type this than it took to film the clip…HA!), but I hope it makes you even more courageous in the unapologetic and beautiful expression of who YOU are. Satine and I both support THAT 100%!!!! And if I might request that your comments take into consideration that we all areentitled to our "moments" and that you keep any negative remarks or harsh "poopooing" of my concerns to yourself. This post was written in love and I am opento only love in return. Anything other than that WILL be deleted. Thank you.p.s. If you are inclined to share this video, especially with other women,I kindly ask that you include my post in your sharing. Thanks.#lrchealthyhaircare #naturalhair #model #lessons #goddess #Satine#foxyfortysix #lovingmysupportsystem #womenareamazing #loveyourself#motheroftwins #iprettymuchwokeuplikethis #megawigs #thoseshoesthough #brownskin #lovingmesomeme #iammysisterskeeper
Posted by Tomiko Fraser Hines on Tuesday, March 24, 2015
The Birth of Satine
I’ve been following Tomiko Fraser Hines for a little more than a year (please subscribe to her newsletter at www.tomikofraserhines.com… you’ll thank me). She is a fantastically empowered and by her own account a “fully realized woman.” She’s a wife, a mother of twin boys, a life coach, a motivational speaker, an advocate, a legend in the beauty industry, an entreprenuer, and is going back to work as a model after losing 25 lbs in 4 months (all these details are in the post by the way). She balances so many things and just seems to be ridiculously responsible. I mean, you’d have to be to have that level of success, right? The fact that she was the woman behind the wig, made me even more intrigued. So I reached out to Tomiko, to see if I could find out more about Satine and how she evolved.
Tomiko is just heading back into the modeling industry since the birth of her beautiful twin boys. So this was her first shoot back in the game. She said that Satine was birthed that very morning. She was looking in the mirror, reflecting on what her client needed. She said she started to think about “Sasha Fierce,” Beyonce’s more sexual and aggressive persona. She said she realized she had been in “mama mode” for the past couple of years (her boys just turned 2 in January) and she needed to remove all her inhibitions to meet her and her clients’ outcomes for that day.
So when she hit the set, she let everyone know… “Today I’m Satine.”
How I Met Satine
Since I’m currently on search to pinpoint my true passion and calling, I’ve been studying and reading books about history’s “greats”. One thing that holds true with all of them is, they all play full-out. So I was really excited when Tomiko channeled Satine for a few minutes, and let me experience this character I was so curious about.
Let me just say, Tomiko is a true character actress and Satine was so much more than I expected. She had an exotic accent, and rhythm about her voice that explained so much of the swagger that I saw in the 15 second clip. From the toss of the larger than life hair to the exaggerated shoulder and head movements, I completely got a full picture of who she was in that moment. So here’s what I learned about Satine:
- Satine is not a fan of clothes. They inhibit her feminity, so she frees herself from them often so she can fully express the essence of her “Satineness”.
- She believes in the freedom of expression as women, since we are constantly told NO. We’re told how to speak and how to dress.
- She is always a true and authentic expression of a woman. She has come to understand that the actual fear that stops women from fully expressing themselves, comes from the fear of acceptance on the recieving end. The fear prohibits us from being extreme. The fear stops us from being worldly.
I feel like we all just need to sit with that truth for a moment, because Satine just dropped the mic on that one. There’s actually more to this story, so I’ve decided to break it up into 2 parts. Stay tuned… we’re going to talk about how to and why you should find your OWN alter ego!
Yes ladies… I’m convinced that we are well on our way to finding the best versions of ourselves in 2015!
Keep searching for your passion,
Be sure to check out “Is It Time for You to Unleash Your Alter-Ego? Part Two”.
Editor’s note: Special thank you to Tomiko Fraser Hines for the time and energy that she gave for this interview. Please be sure to like her on Facebook (www.Facebook.com/tomikofraserhines2) and subscribe to her newsletter (www.tomikofraserhines.com) for more empowering, authentic and transparent goodies. Special thanks to LRC Healthy Hair Care for revealing Satine. Check out their Facebook page (www.Facebook/lrchealthyhaircare) to catch this campaign when it launches and check out their hair care products at http://www.lawrencerayconcepts.com/.