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Is It Time to Unleash Your Alter Ego? – Part Two
Mar 31

Is It Time to Unleash Your Alter Ego? – Part Two

After posting part one of this article, I was talking to a couple of my mommy friends about their thoughts on alter-ego and “Satine.” If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you need to read Part One of this series first. Here goes the ironic thing, all of the ladies I talked to were able to dig back into their archives 10 years prior and pull out pictures of themselves when they felt free and bold. Somewhere between life and raising babies, they lost their bite. I’ve even talked to women that aren’t mothers, that have dealt with a bad relationship, some weight gain, or just pure boredom, and they have lost their zest for life. It feels like an epidemic. Quality of life is declining for so many women. We’ve lost our way. This is why I’m so fixated on finding whatever I’ve been supressing. This is why you should be fixated on it too.

Why you need to find your alter-ego

Tomiko Fraser Hines created “Satine” because she needed to deliver a certain outcome for her client at a photoshoot. I believe that many of us need to find our alter-egos TO BE delivered from whatever fears and insecurities are keeping us from an unapologetically amplified version of our true selves.

I promised that in this part, I would tell you why you needed to find your alter ego. The truth is, you deserve to be exactly who you were intended to be. Not just the publicly acceptable version of you, but the unedited version of who you’re supposed to be. And let’s face it… this could be one of the most enjoyable times of your life.

How to find your alter-ego

When I was talking to Tomiko about “Satine,” I asked for some tips on how we could channel our own alter-ego. Without fail, she broke me off with some incredible “Tomikoisms” (make sure you visit her website at for even more of her incredible life tips):

  • Don’t judge yourself or stop yourself from discovering who your alter ego is. The truth is, this may be a scary process for a lot of us. I know it makes me a little nervous to be judged by outsiders, but I’ve realized lately that I’m my harshest critic. Letting go of my own judgement, really is a set up for completely loving myself.
  • Let her sensuality come through, don’t try to inhibit it. We live in such a “sex negative” culture, that sometimes being sexy or sensual is looked upon as filthy. I know for me, I put pressure on to be a good Christian mother. But before I’m anything… I’m a woman. So I’m not apologizing for my femininity anymore.
  • Don’t stop the flow or the calling that may come from your alter ego. If you’re trying to find what’s inhibiting you, then you don’t create the alter-ego. Let the alter-ego BE created. Use music, movement, meditation, or a muse, to get passionate about something. Then you have to fully embrace where that passion takes you.
  • Be open to playing with the idea. You have to try things on to see if it fits. In the previous article, you know that I met “Satine.” That’s because Tomiko never stopped playing full out. Don’t be afraid to try different characters and explore different parts of your imagination.
  • Find a safe place to be your alter ego. I’ve had a great time having open discussions with my girlfriends about who our alter-egos might be. Find a group of friends or family that will allow you to explore this side of yourself safely. If you can’t think of anyone, go at it alone. Sometimes when you’re feeling lost, you can feel most at home amongst strangers.

The most important point is to allow yourself to blossom. Its imperative that you allow the discovery of your alter ego. Your greatness may be locked up in that place where you’re most afraid to go.

And two became one

Tomiko described Beyonce’s alter ego, “Sasha Fierce,” as being a muse for her transition to “Satine.” Beyonce created her alter ego “to safely and publicly experiment with performances of her sexuality while keeping her ladylike integrity intact”. (McDonald, 2013) I think the evolution of “Sasha Fierce” is a great model for all of us women looking to branch out of our passive, filtered lives and find the liberated version of who we are truly supposed to be. See Beyonce created her alter ego, and then she killed her off. She learned to incorporate the parts of her personality that she was previously afraid to embrace, as a part of who she is as a woman. That should be our destination and our end game. But we should rock the entire journey to discovering the best version of ourselves.

Get ready ladies… your alter-ego is about to make some noise!

Courtney Dade


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