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The Conception and Birth of Unforgiveness
Jan 15

The Conception and Birth of Unforgiveness

Hey ladies! So here we are in 2015, a new year represents a new us right? Wrong, we are still the same people we were a few weeks ago, but you can and should always strive to be a better you. You may have carried some baggage with you into this New Year and that’s ok, because every day is a new opportunity. Identify your baggage and get rid of it, be it bad relationships, stressors in your life, bad habits or the harboring of ill feelings. This year for me is all about identifying the things in my life that aren’t contributing to me being a better human being and making the changes necessary to purge those things once and for all.


So we’ve all been hurt by someone we love, it’s not taboo, it happens to the best of us. The truth is the ones we love have the ability to hurt us the most. I’ve been hurt by some of the people I love the most in this world over and over again. I carried that pain around with me for several years; I was that “Bag Lady” Erykah Badu talked about. Carrying around everything anyone had every done to me or said to me that hurt my feelings. It was cool carrying that victim bag around for a while, because I was justifiably the victim. But damnit that was a heavy bag. In that bag I had a little bit of everything; hate, anger, depression and despondency to name a few.  affected my mental, physical and spiritual well-being. There was honestly no relief in sight either, until I realized that my happiness and peace was something I had control of. If I wasn’t happy, it was my own fault. But that’s what anger does to you; it makes you believe you lost power over your life. Don’t let anyone steal your joy, because they didn’t give it to you to begin with.

Unforgiveness is like a being pregnant and unable to deliver it. We feel the effects, we know it’s there but the process of delivery isn’t happening… Let me break it down a little bit.

The Unwanted Pregnancy of Unforgiveness

  • The offense is the CONCEPTION.
  • When you lose control of your peace you give the offense shelter, THE WOMB.
  • The pain and anger from the offense causes discomfort, change in attitude and emotions, causing stress and imbalance, these are the SYMPTOMS of pregnancy.
  • Now you have something growing inside of you that’s getting bigger by the day, not forgiving and letting go is causing you to be OVERDUE for delivery. There is only one way to get this thing out of you, you must give birth to it.
  • You have to understand that when you’re bitterness and resentment have come FULL TERM, forgiving will be painful.
  • That process of forgiving is where your LABOR PAINS come in.

You have options

You have a 2 options.

  1. Stop it before it starts. At the conception of being hurt you can abort the ill feelings and refuse to give them a place to grow and develop.
  2. Get rid of it, if it’s already there. If you are dealing with a preexisting unforgiveness pregnancy you CAN let go and give birth to what someone has done to you. You always have the power, it’s not easy but it is simple. Let it go! Forgiveness can be just as painful as the offense but it’s time for us to give birth to the resentment and transcend. Put the bags down and walk away!


Coming from someone who lived most of her life unable to forgive, trust me I know just how hard it is. It is a painful process but I promise it is worth it. Forgiveness gave me a certain level of peace I didn’t know was attainable. I didn’t realize how much of a toll my anger was taking on my mind and spirit until I said “Dammit Vanessa, enough is a damn ’nuff!” I had to get sick of being the victim to truly be victorious. I really hope this message can help someone. I struggled writing this, trying to be transparent and still trying to get you to see the point. Forgiveness is a necessity. In forgiveness there is healing and peace. If you don’t do anything else this year, gift yourself with PEACE or “Bag Lady, you gone miss yo bus.”

Until next time,

Vanessa D. Evans,
Your #VisualVixen


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